One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying “NO.” He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say “yes.”

People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are “stuck” and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of “being found out,” the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an “acting out” episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last…until the “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) of the “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to “work that through” in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who “used” a one-night fling with a significant person to “clear up” a particular issue.) She was free of that “urge” from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their “addiction.” They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a “dual” life.

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.

If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, “Break Free From the Affair,” visit my website.

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If you even suspect a loved one of cocaine addiction, it is better to take action and find out you were mistaken than not take action and find out they are addicted. The consequences can be very serious.

So, how do you tell if a loved one is in the throes of cocaine addiction? There are many different ways of taking cocaine so the obvious symptoms differ. It can be snorted, ingested, smoked or injected.

Snorting cocaine (also known as freebasing), for example, can lead to the loss of the sense of smell, nosebleeds, problems with swallowing, hoarseness and a chronically running nose. A sure sign is someone who is constantly sniffing. Snorting is a highly dangerous way of using it as the cocaine reaches the brain within seconds, resulting in an intense high but the euphoria quickly disappears, making the addict increase his use.

Smoking cocaine is probably the worst cocaine addiction there is and is considered to be the most addictive. Signs of use, however, are not that evident other than increased jumpiness, irritability or even paranoia.

Ingesting cocaine can cause severe bowel gangrene due to reduced blood flow. This is more difficult to tell but if a loved one suddenly starts having bowel movement problems, abdominal pain and nausea, consider cocaine addiction as a possibility.

Those who inject cocaine can experience severe allergic reactions and, as with all drug users who inject themselves, they are at risk of contracting HIV and other blood-borne diseases. This is easier to detect than those ingesting it as there will probably be visible needle marks.

Cocaine addiction leads to disturbances in the heart rhythm and can lead to heart attacks, chest pains and respiratory failure, strokes, seizures, headaches and gastrointestinal complications such as abdominal pain and nausea. Cocaine, having a tendency to decrease appetite, chronic users can become malnourished, which compounds the problem.

Binging on cocaine can lead to increased irritability, restlessness and paranoia. Paranoia is a sure sign that the user is smoking or snorting. Cocaine addiction can even lead to full-blown paranoid psychosis. Whatever you do, don’t let be put on anti-psychotics because you will be switching them from a cocaine addiction to an anti-psychotic addiction plus the possibility of reversion to the cocaine as well.

Dealing with cocaine addiction is rather simple if you know what to do about it. The first thing is to get them onto a program that does not give them further drugs and can help them through withdrawal in the most effective and comfortable way using the correct vitamins and minerals that their already depleted body needs. There is a very specific method for handling cocaine addiction withdrawal that does not make them feel awful.

Once they are through the withdrawal, a good program would consist of getting the drug residuals out of their body in the safest and most effective way.

While they still have the drug residues in the body, they cannot think clearly and have low energy levels, making it impossible to grasp and understand the data they will need in the education part of the program.

Only after they have gotten rid of the drug residues in their body on the detoxification step of the program are they ready to continue with the rest of the cocaine addiction rehabilitation program.

The key things to look for in any cocaine addiction rehabilitation program is 1) comfortable, non-drug withdrawal, 2) a full detoxification program that rids their body of all the drug and toxic residues and 3) an educational aspect with the person being able to establish for himself why he became addicted in the first place and then working on the solution he has figured out from the education steps.

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Initially, when methamphetamine (meth), also known as crystal, first started being abused, it was by white, male, blue-collar workers but this has changed and is now being used by our school children, as young as 13. The spread of meth addiction includes anything from the homeless to industries that require long hours of alertness and physical endurance, like long haul truckers.
Meth addiction is fast becoming a serious problem. Besides the obvious consequences of any form of addiction and the “need” for the addict to get his or her regular “fix” with its attendant potential for crime, there are the physical side effects that include some serious nerve damage.
The effects of methamphetamine are related to its action as a potent central nervous system stimulant affecting the body’s mechanisms for regulating heart rate, body temperature, blood pressure, appetite, attention, mood, alertness and alarm responses.

Meth alters the user’s mood in different ways, depending on how it was taken. Smoking it, for example, gives a rush which only lasts for a few minutes while snorting or swallowing it will induce a high feeling, resulting in euphoria (a feeling of great happiness or well-being).

The pleasurable effects in meth addiction disappear so rapidly that increased and more frequent use is needed to maintain the desired effect in the addict. Meth addiction results in the user going on binges lasting for days at a time. They forego food, drop their hygiene and sleep as they pursue the “rush” of binging.

Long term use leads to brain damage as the nerve pathways ability to communicate throughout the body start to “die” off. It can be compared to someone suffering with a degenerative brain disease.

Side effects of meth overdose include brain damage, meningitis, neuro-toxicity, sensations of the flesh crawling with bugs, compulsive picking at infected sores, severe headache, muscle breakdown and kidney failure. There are currently no medications available to treat methamphetamine overdose.
So, after all these severe reality factors, is there anything that you can do to help a loved one out of the clutches of pending disaster?

Yes, fortunately, there is. Obviously meth addiction started off as a result of some inability to deal with a problem earlier and addiction became the solution to being unable to deal with a life situation. However, this aspect of the person’s getting over the meth addiction cannot be addressed initially. In the same way you cannot reason with a drunk, you cannot reason with someone under the effects of meth.

The first step would be to rid their body of the toxins. Before you can even consider addressing the source of the problem you have to do this step. It has to be done completely naturally, without the use of further drugs. You don’t want to replace one addiction for another!

A full detox program that consists of sweating out the toxic residues, along with an exercise, vitamin and mineral regimen and caring facilitators is the first step towards rehabilitating someone from the effects of meth addiction.
Once this has been fully accomplished, the next step is helping them to discover for themselves the reason they became addicted in the first place.

There are very precise steps for doing this. There is not another person in the whole world who can tell him why he did it. He is the only one who knows. This is a very important aspect for his recovery. He will get no evaluation from anyone as that is far more damaging for him than can be imagined.

The next phase is to get him to get through some simple training steps to provide him with the data he needs to handle his life and resolve his problems without the further use of drugs. Once this phase is over, he will undergo an apprenticeship before embarking on his new life.

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Shopping is something most people love. But often the thrill, excitement, and absorption becomes such that an ordinary hobby or time filler becomes an addiction. A shopping addiction like drugs, alcohol, or gambling is a blinding thirst where the shopper is unable to see essential from non essential and over spend. They shop until they drop and run into debt spending on their credit cards up to and over its limit.

Shopping for many is escapism from the realities of life and its accompanying problems. It is but a temporary reprieve from depression, anxiety, or loneliness. What a shopper never understands is it is a false world which will not grant happiness or love, or self esteem. After the shopping binge the person will experience remorse. The unhappiness will intensify due to unmanageable financial disaster and debt. This will be further compounded by the displeasure earned from family members or financial consultants. Believe me over 80% of the purchases will never be used. An addict may have a hundred pairs of shoes, or bags, or coast, or glasses – the obsession being restricted to one kind of object.

Like alcoholics, compulsive shoppers go on binges when they are upset, lonely, depressed, or feeling out of sorts. Shopping is a “pick me up,” a temporary euphoria that lifts their spirits.

The possible repair of finances and cure of the addiction is possible only if the shopper accepts that an addiction exists. What helps is professional counseling and joining a self-healing group that is dealing with this addiction. A shopping addicts version or equivalent of alcoholics anonymous.

Guidelines:

1. First and foremost set small limits on all credit cards. Freezing the limits will help you limit your spending power.

2. Lock away all credit and debit cards.

3. Budget household and other expenses. Make specific envelopes and mark them clearly for what the money is earmarked for.

4. Sit with a family member or friend and make a list of bare essentials. Go shopping with a controlling companion one who will say “NO” is no uncertain terms.

5. Never visit sales or discount warehouses. Or, watch television shopping channels.

6. Do not subscribe to shopping catalogues.

7. Fill your day choc-a-bloc with activities. If you have no time to ‘stand and stare’ you won’t have a moment to think about shopping. Find interesting activities that absorb your interests and time.

8. Go to the mall or shopper’s paradise after they are all safely closed for the day. This way you can look at displays without being tempted to rush in and buy something.

9. If you feel the itch or urge to shop, resist it with all your strength and go out for a walk or to the gym exercise until you are too tired to do anything else.

10. Pay for all purchases by cash or cheque. Use a card only in emergencies.

Compulsive shopping is a serious addiction. It is escapism from realities and unhappiness. As serious as drug addictions and an illness, a compulsive shopper needs treatment that is similar to other addictions. Addictions of any kind need to be snipped at the very root before it reaches a point of no return.

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Tell me, does this describe someone you know?

Some people who feel inferior use an addiction to try to overcome weaknesses, especially in times of increased stress or deep inner conflict. A person’s inner inferiority complex reveals itself in his or her actions such as addiction, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, child abuse, compulsive eating, blame and aggression among others.

No successful person desires a destructive addiction. What people who choose addiction or abuse really want is the power and ability to create better lives.

Fearing they do not have this power to improve their lives, you will hear these people use excuses and blame to justify their addiction and abuse and protect what little dignity they feel they have left.

If you find yourself or others dealing with addiction or abuse, instead of justifying or blaming, ask the following questions:

Do I really want healing and resolution for this addiction or abuse?

Am I willing to improve myself to achieve healing?

Do I realize I can’t control others? The only one I can control is me.

Am I willing to take the first step for myself and get rid of my addiction, abuse excuses, blame and other destructive habits to achieve peace and happiness?

Alcohol abuse and drug abuse are common crutches today. I have met many people who feel tongue-tied or awkward at social events. They find a few cocktails or beers “give them a lift” turning them from introvert to extrovert. There are many people who drink to feel better about themselves, even to the point of abuse or addiction.

For an article entitled Lori Prokop Interviews the Experts, one doctor said to me, “It’s sad but true. A seemingly innocent use of alcohol can quickly and easily become an addiction, especially if people perceive they are someway ‘improved’ when they drink.”

Alcohol abuse, drug abuse and any other addiction are serious forms of personal loss. The people, who depend on any exterior addiction or abuse rather than improving their perceived weaknesses and healing their pains, are beaten from the start.

Such a person can find healing. They must get rid of the addiction and abuse, find a healing system which works and resolve their fears and pains.

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Cannabis is a plant that we commonly call marijuana, ganja in herbal form or hashish in resinous form. It has been commonly used way back prehistoric times. However, its use became prevalent in the 20th century when cannabis was utilized for religious, spiritual, medicinal and even recreational purposes. It was then that its possession, use or sale was prohibited. To date, the use of cannabis for drug use or cannabis addiction remains illegal all throughout the most parts of the world.

Psychologically, cannabis is already a recognized addictive drug. Cannabis addiction occurs when one’s mental and physical state are prominently altered due to its consumption. Although in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), there is no cannabis withdrawal syndrome, evidences show that cannabis addiction induces similar withdrawal symptoms to other drug addiction.

But unlike tobacco, cannabis addiction has not shown to cause lung cancer, chronic pulmonary disease or emphysema. It does not also cause birth defects to expectant mothers who are hooked to cannabis. Basically, cannabis addiction is less hazardous than addiction to tobacco, prescription drugs or alcohol.

Different users may experience different effects in cannabis addiction. Factors such as the dose, its potency, its chemical composition or its method of consumption are what elicit different levels of high in cannabis addiction. Long-term effects include, a feeling of euphoria, intense relaxation, laughter and giggle fits, increased appreciation for music, and either a feeling of intense pleasure or anxiety.

Forgetfulness, laziness, distorted perception, rambling, troubled concentration, inability of motor coordination, increased heart rate, spiritual talking and paranoia are some of the short-term effects of cannabis addiction. It is also shown to manifest its ill effects on the hippocampus (the part of the brain linked with learning and memory), thereby causing short-term memory impairment. Cannabis addiction has also been associated to other mental illnesses, from psychotic episodes to clinical schizophrenia.

Nevertheless, there is always a way out of cannabis addiction. The steps may be simple yet hard and requires extreme sense of commitment and dedication to move out of this addiction. Be willing to feel whatever painful feelings and take part in being responsible for them. Instead of avoiding them with your addiction, face them. Be conscious that you want to know what it causing your pain. Discover the thoughts and actions causing your pain. It should just come from within. Perseverance, will and devotion is all that it takes.

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The following email was sent to me by Karen, a member of our website:

“For no obvious reason this morning, I was feeling anxious and depressed. I looked at it and realized that the false belief creating all this was that I have to be perfect in order for me to allow myself to feel happiness. Yet, there are so many conditions for me to be perfect that it is almost impossible to achieve. Still, I have driven myself to be ‘perfect’ sometimes and discovered it that the ensuing happiness lasts about 2 seconds and I am exhausted.

“Lately, procrastination is somehow wrapped up in this conundrum too. Maybe I don’t even try things because I know if it’s not done perfectly I won’t value it anyway. Most of my life, my critically inspired drive propelled me to achieve some amazing things (including opening my own business in L.A.). Somehow, I feel that if I don’t criticize and punish myself then I’ll never go anywhere or do anything. Yet the truth is, right now, I’m not really productive. There must be another way!”

Needing to be perfect is a form of control. The wounded, critical part of us believes that, “If I am perfect (whatever that means!) then people will like me, love me, admire me, approve of me, pay attention to me, or validate me. Then I will feel worthy. I can control how people feel about me by being perfect.” The need to control how people feel about us comes from making others responsible for defining our worth. The false belief is that if someone likes you, then you are worthy, and then you can be happy. But, as Karen said, “the ensuing happiness last about 2 seconds and I am exhausted.” Trying to be perfect is exhausting and the good feelings are very short-lived.

In addition, having to be perfect in order to gain approval often leads to procrastination. The fear of disapproval and failure if you are not perfect can be so great that it stops you from taking the action you need to take. Judging yourself to get yourself to do things “perfectly” often backfires, leading to paralysis instead of creativity and productivity, as it has with Karen.

Karen states that, “There must be another way!” There is, indeed, another way – a much better way.

When you decide to define your own worth instead of handing that crucial responsibility to others, you will stop worrying about what others think and feel about you. The problem is that, for most of us, our parents and other adults defined our worth when we are young. Of course we saw adults as having the authority to do that. As we grew older, we gave our peers the authority to define us. But at some point, we need to shift from others having the authority to define our worth to our own higher, wise self or spiritual Guidance having the authority.

In addition, we need to shift from defining our worth based on external qualities to our worth being based on internal, intrinsic soul qualities. As long as your worth is based on performance, you will worry about results. But when your worth is based on your intrinsic qualities of caring, compassion, goodness, empathy, and joyfulness, then it is never on the line regarding your performance. This will free you to create and produce with freedom and joy, knowing that you can make all the mistakes in the world and still be worthy. Perfection never comes into the picture when your performance is a joyful expression of your intrinsic worth, rather than a form of controlling what others think and feel about you.

When you open to learning with a higher authority about your true, intrinsic worth, and embrace the beauty and wonder of your beautiful essence, you will stop thinking about perfection, and you will stop thinking about performance and what others think about you. You will know that you are already “perfect” in your essence, and that there is nothing to prove.

When you know your worth as intrinsic rather than based on your performance, life becomes so much easier and less tiring. Instead of your addiction to perfection immobilizing you, you are free to fully express yourself and manifest your gifts and talents. Expressing yourself creatively and productively becomes fun rather than fearful!

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How can you tell if your loved one is subjected to cocaine addiction? Is it just teenage behavior or school pressure that is making them act “strange”? It can be confusing to watch someone and be uncertain about their behavior.

There are certain physical manifestations one can look for when someone is involved with cocaine addiction but what of the behavior manifestations? One thing to realize is that anyone using drugs – even medical ones – is that the majority of them have a mental affect as well. Basically, the drugs throw you out of present time into something else that your mind gets stuck on.

A person who is suffering from cocaine addiction can appear to be in the same room as you are, doing the same things as you are but he’s only partially there. There’s often a sort of glazed look about their eyes and they can appear to be a bit like a robot.

He’s there physically but he isn’t tracking with what’s going on. He does not “get” what you’re saying and when you tell him to take out the garbage, he may pick up the broom and start sweeping. If you scold him he thinks you’re crazy because he’s supposed to sweep. It all looks odd. It is odd to you. He’s just not tracking. It appears that he hears what you’re saying but when you look he’s doing something completely different.

If there’s some kind of team effort going on and everyone else is working on a project together, he gets in the way and does very odd things. You ask him to pass the hammer and he comes back with a spoon, or something equally inappropriate.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s going on around him. It’s just that he believes that everyone else is stupid or unreasonable and don’t know what they’re doing. Because they’re not doing what he can “see” is supposed to be going on, everyone else is crazy. And, to be sure, you could easily start to believe that you’re losing it.

The end result is that anything you give someone who is under cocaine addiction to do has to be corrected by others and this can consume an awful lot of time. Imagine how that would affect a company and its production.

If you’re still trying to determine if your loved one is addicted to cocaine or not, these are additional things to look out for in their behavior. If you already know they’re addicted, then action is required immediately. The cost in despair and relationships – never mind the financial – can be very expensive if cocaine addiction is not dealt with speedily.

Fortunately, there is a solution and cocaine addiction can be fully overcome. The only criteria are that a program that gets excellent results is found. How do you find one like that when there are so many of them? You ask questions.

The first question should be, “What are your results?” Ask for references and speak to others who have done their program. Find out if their methods are authoritarian, if they use any form of drug to get people off drugs, do they go through a full detoxification program. With cocaine addiction, the body stores particles of cocaine in the fatty tissue, along with other toxins. If these residues are not removed and the fatty tissue cleaned up, the person can revert to cocaine addiction in a week, a month, even years and years later.

The final question to ask is what they do to get your loved rehabilitated. This is apart from the physical rehabilitation and is a very key part of any program. He has to get full understanding of his own problem and why he became addicted in order to effect recovery and this needs to be done without anyone else interjecting their opinions.

He is the only one that knows after all. His rehabilitation and full recovery of his willpower is so dependent on this point that anything else will just continue to keep him in a position where he is subjected to the will of others and you want him to be able to say “NO!”

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