Those who pride themselves on their honesty should also concern themselves with this principle: The effectiveness of honesty depends on a person’s willingness to face the truth, which may conflict with this person’s desires and provoke denial.

In such a case, how can one promote this willingness, despite this conflict? The answer to this question could prove useful to anyone who seeks to be effectively honest with people in denial. Ultimately, it could benefit these people, whose denial is contrary to their best interest. I go on the assumption that truth, or the conformity of thought to reality, is the sine qua non of vital efficacy. Health, pleasure, successful careers, and harmonious relationships require that we know the needs and capabilities of our nature, and the workings of the world. The absence of this knowledge leads to accidents, illness, suffering, failure, and death. Therefore, the first object of our desires should be truth, or the knowledge of ourselves and the world around us. Why then are people often unwilling to face it?

I believe there are two reasons for this unwillingness. Firstly, the desire to know the truth, which originates in the desire to live happily, spontaneously degenerates into the desire to be right, to avoid the insecurity and shame associated with error and ignorance, and also to avoid the effort to learn. Thus fear, pride, and laziness are obstacles to the pursuit of truth and happiness. People are unlikely to admit they are wrong when they are, unless they possess courage and humility. Whoever takes their good to heart should help them develop these virtues.

Secondly, the truth may be known from experience about a happy way of life. The desire to know the truth then turns into the desire to see the truth last. Mental inertia becomes the law, proportional to the force of attraction exerted on the mind by this happy way of life. Any upheaval that breaks the status quo is denied: “I cannot believe it; this cannot be happening.” Reality is deemed unreal because it no longer tallies with the desired truth. Denial can therefore be regarded as a deviant process that conforms facts to ideas, instead of the opposite. Reason is overthrown and emotions reign, as one strives to prove reality wrong to spare oneself the loss of a happy way of life and the pursuit of another, this loss and this pursuit being associated with grief, strain, and doubt, or even despair.

To help a person acknowledge an undesired truth about a radical change in reality, one has to couple honesty with wisdom to heighten this person’s awareness of the human capacity for adaptation. This capacity is best illustrated by the example of people who have suffered a terrible misfortune and progressively discovered a new outlook and a new happiness, more enlightened and satisfying than the old ones. In addition, one has to stimulate the will of this person, who is left with a formidable challenge: to start her or his life over. Lastly, this heightened awareness and this stimulated will may weaken at times, calling for reinforcement. All in all, against the unwillingness to face the truth, the effectiveness of honesty is always difficult and uncertain.

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You’re close, really close, to making a sale. Your potential client is in the market for your product or service and you’ve had a couple of good meetings.

Have you been in this situation before?

Of course you have–we all have, and it’s painful. So, can you keep from getting dropped? Yes–With the Unlock The Game™ Mindset, you can abandon the salesperson role and come from a place of integrity that stems directly from your personal brand that doesn’t compromise your authentic self. This opens communication with your potential clients so you can learn the truth about their situation–and that’s what you always want.

These suggestions will help:

* Don’t assume the sale. Potential clients are used to the traditional buyer-seller relationship, so they may decide not to tell you things that might make them vulnerable to you. Until you’re sure you know the complete truth, you can never assume the sale.

* Keep making it easy for potential clients to tell you their truth. Toward the end of your conversation, ask, “Do you have any more questions?” If potential clients say no, follow up with the 100-percent-final truth-gathering question: “Now, are you 100 percent sure that there’s nothing else that I can do on my end to make you feel more comfortable with this situation?” You’ll be amazed how often people then say, “Well, actually, there is one more issue…” And it’s at that point that you really start to hear their truth.

* Call back to get the truth, not close the sale. Most potential clients who suddenly “disappear” will be expecting you chase them down by calling them and saying, “Hi, I was just wondering where things are at?” Instead, eliminate all sales pressure by telling them that you’re okay with their decision not to move forward, based on their not having called you back. In other words, take a step backward. Most of the time, it’ll open the door to a new level of open, trusting communication.

* Reassure potential clients that you can handle a “no.” Of course we’d rather not hear a “no.” But the only way to free yourself and your clients from subtle sales pressures is to let them know that it’s not about the sale but about the best choice for them–and if that means no sale, it’s okay, because it’s ultimately not about you but about them.

* Ask for feedback. Whenever potential clients “disappear,” call them back (e-mail them if you have to, but only as a last resort because dialogue is always better) and simply ask, “Would you please share your feedback with me as to how I can improve for next time? Now that our sales process is over, I’m committed to understanding where I went wrong.” This is not being feeble or weak — it’s being humble, which often triggers the truth.

* Don’t try to “close” a sale. If your intuition tells you that the sales process isn’t going in the direction it should be going – which is always toward greater trust and truth–trust those feeling. Then, make it safe for potential clients to tell you where they stand. It’s simple–all you have to say is, “Where do you think we should go from here?” (But be prepared: you might not want to hear the truth of how they’re feeling. You can cope with this by keeping your larger goal in mind, which is always to establish that the two of you have a “fit.”)

* Give yourself the last word. Eliminate the anxiety of waiting for the final calls that will tell you whether the sale is going to happen–instead, schedule a time for getting back to each other. This eliminates chasing. Simply suggest, “Can we plan to get back to each other on a day and at a time that works for you–not to close the sale, but to simply bring closure regardless of what you decide. I’m okay either way, and that’ll save us from having to chase each other.”

You’ll find that these suggestions make selling much less painful because, with Unlock The Game™, you learn to focus on the truth instead of the sale.

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Actress Susan Saint James, in a TV interview after the terrible plane crash that claimed the life of her 14 year old son Teddy, and injured her husband, NBC Sports Chairman Dick Ebersol, and her son Charles, made the following brilliant statement: “Resentment is like taking poison and then expecting the other person to die.” Even in the face of her great loss, she is not angry, blaming, or resentful.

Resentment and blame are poisons to the soul. They are far more harmful to you than to anyone else. Our ego/wounded self believes that if we blame and resent someone, we can somehow have control over that person or over the outcome of things. But what the resentment really does is pull us into the darkness of seeing ourselves as a victim.

It’s very helpful to think of resentment as poisoning yourself while expecting the other to somehow be hurt by it. If you can think of anger, blame and resentment as poisons to the soul, perhaps this will make it easier to release these dark feelings.

These feeling do not come out of nowhere. They are the result of your thoughts and beliefs. For example, if you have the thought, as Susan could have had, “God is punishing me,” you will likely see yourself as a victim and feel angry and resentful. But having this thought or belief does not make it a reality. The resulting resentment is actually Spirit’s way of letting you know that you are off track in your thinking. Thoughts that cause anger, fear, and resentment are thoughts that are being made up by the wounded self. They are not based on truth. The truth never causes anger and fear. The truth can certainly cause sadness and grief, such as the reality that Susan’s son is gone. But anger and resentment are not the same as sadness and grief. Anger and resentment are the result of blaming someone or something.

Susan’s truth, which she stated in the interview, is that her son Teddy has ended one phase of his life and started another. Her faith in God as a loving source is sustaining her. Her belief that the soul does not die, but leaves when it is finished with what it needed to learn here, is making it possible for her to grieve without resentment. She is not allowing this great loss to poison her soul.

The literal biblical translation of the word “sin” is “off the mark.” When our thinking and behavior are off the mark, we are “sinning” because we are not in truth. God is truth, love, peace, and joy. When we are not in love and truth, we are off the mark. Being off the mark in our thinking results in negativity – in anger, fear, anxiety, depression, resentment, blame. Negativity is harmful to the soul. This is a “sin” against ourselves.

Our ego wounded self – which originates in the mind and is the part of us that wants control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe – constantly makes up thoughts that are off the mark. The ego is incapable of knowing what is true and what is not. It thinks it is wise and knowing, but in reality it is always “off the mark.” All the thoughts that come from the ego are based on the desire for control over others and outcomes. The desire to control is the opposite of the desire to love and be in truth, and is therefore off the mark.

Truth does not originate in the mind. Truth comes into the mind from Spirit when we are open to learning about love and truth. Truth never creates resentment.

Anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, depression – these feelings are signals that you are not in truth, that you are allowing your ego to have dominion over your soul. When you open your heart to learning the truth and learning what is loving to yourself and others, you will move out of the negative feelings and into the peace and joy that come from being in truth, even in the face of sadness and grief. Even in her grief, Susan Saint James’s face was filled with the light of truth. There was no darkness in her being as she shared her experience with us. Thank you, Susan, for your courage, love and faith. You have given us a great gift.

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The 3 or 4 trips I have had to Pattaya, I have gone out on at least one trip. These have been difficult as waking up at noon is early for me while on holiday. But, I have made it a point to see at least one point of interest and have had a good time everywhere I have gone.

The first time I did this, I visited the Sanctuary of Truth. I had never heard of this place and couldn’t recall ever seeing it mentioned at all on the Internet – that has changed – but at the time there was no web page and it wasn’t listed anywhere on the “things to do in Pattaya” sites.

I decided to go to the Sanctuary of Truth after looking through a binder of brochures at a sidewalk tour vendor. Total cost was to be 1000 Baht for me and another 1000 Baht for the young lady with me. This worked out to about 25 dollars apiece.

So, what did we get for our $25? We were picked up at the guesthouse and hopped in the van and headed out. After about 20 minutes we had arrived at the most amazing temple I had ever seen. Completely hand-carved out of different types of wood right along the Gulf of Siam. Describing it here would not come close to doing it justice – so I will just have to tell you – if you are in Pattaya – go to the Sanctuary of Truth.

After a guided tour of the temple, we hopped on horses and were guided around the grounds at a slow trot. I hadn’t been on a horse since I was a teen, and it was a fun way to spend an hour.

Then it was time for our included lunch. We were given a burger, fries and a drink and the food was very good. Even the Thai girl I was with liked it.

After, lunch it was time to see the dolphin show. It was very professional and entertaining. The dolphin show reminded me of shows I had seen before in Florida and Hawaii.

We still had some time left, so we wandered back to the temple and walked around again on our own. It is one of those places that just makes you stand and stare in awe at the beauty and grace of the carvings.

At about 4 PM it was time to head back to the room and we got back in our van for the short ride home. So, for 25 dollars you get a guided tour of a beautiful temple, horseback ride, lunch, dolphin show and transportation. This tour is highly recommended and can be booked by any hotel or sidewalk travel vendor.

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Why is spiritual truth so elusive? Why is it that matters of spiritual significance are so hard to verify and validate?

I have been pondering hard on this subject for quite sometime. And these are my conclusions.

Spiritual truth is so elusive possibly because of several factors. They are as listed below:

1. Many seekers are using the wrong modes of seeking. What do I mean by this? Firstly we try to relate and uncover spiritual truth and reality with our own thinking faculty. This will lead us to nowhere because spiritual reality is what is encapsulating our limited thinking faculty. Spiritual reality is in a way ‘beyond’ the normal thinking mode assigned by a personality/self. No offense, but most people are doing this precisely. As such believers can ONLY believe and NOT experience divine spiritual reality.

My first experiences of Divine Consciousness were during meditation sessions. Very significantly, during these meditations, thoughts and thinking were much reduced. In a state of no thought (Yes and I mean not a single thought!), we will experience ourselves clearly as an all-pervading Presence. It is during these moments that one discover that the world and ourselves is not what it appears to be. And we suddenly understand what the ancients Sages from various traditions were talking about.

2. Being conditioned by societies’ beliefs. Our upbringing very much demarcated what should be real and what’s not. And this is supported by a very convincing structure based on scientific proving and visual/experiential validation.

Let me illustrate this point further… Since childhood, education and adults have been telling us what is correct and what is not. We all have been brainwashed to think like one another. As such our sense of identity has been influenced by our fed information and beliefs. Do you know that prior to any acquired learning, a child relates to the world very differently? Much of how we perceive the world is learnt… and is fundamentally different from our natural way of referencing. However, learnt ways are certainly not negative; it is just that modern societal influences tend to suppress and discourage certain in-born cognitive abilities such as intuitive clairvoyance. And intuitiveness is a necessary ingredient for efficient spiritual navigation.

3. We think we know it all. When we think we know it all. The thought of ‘I know it all’ will block us from knowing anything deeply. Why this that so? Because a ‘know-it-all’ will not seek to know deeply and therefore will not go deep enough…

Well, in a nutshell, these are my findings.

Thanks for reading.

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Here are seven important steps to follow:

1. Don’t assume the sale.

Prospects are used to the traditional buyer-seller relationship. They assume you’ll pressure them. Therefore, they may decide not to tell you things that make them vulnerable to pressure. Until you’re sure you know the complete truth, you can never assume the sale is yours.

2. Keep making it easy for potential clients to tell you their truth.

Toward the end of your conversation, ask, “Do you have any more questions?” If the answer is no, follow up with the 100% final truth gathering question: “Now, are you 100% sure that there’s nothing else that I can do on my end to make you feel more comfortable with this situation?”

You’ll be amazed how often people will reply, “Well, actually, there’s one more issue…” It’s at this point that you really start to hear their truth.

3. Call back to get the truth, not close the sale.

Most potential clients who suddenly disappear expect you to chase them down. They expect you to call and say, “Hi, I was just wondering where things are at?” Instead, eliminate all sales pressure by telling them you’re okay with their decision not to move forward, based on their not having called you back. In other words, take a step backward. Most of the time, this will open the door to a new level of trust-filled communication.

4. Reassure them that you can handle a “no.”

Of course, we’d rather hear a yes. However, the only way to free yourself and your clients from subtle sales pressure is to let them know that it’s not about the sale – it’s about the best choice for them. If that means no sale, it’s okay with you.

5. Ask for feedback.

Whenever prospects disappear, call them back (e-mail only as a last resort because dialogue is always better). Simply ask, “Would you please share your feedback with me as to how I can improve for next time? I’m committed to understanding where I went wrong.”

This is not being feeble or weak. It’s being humble. This invites the truth.

6. Don’t try to “close” a sale.

If your intuition tells you that the sales process isn’t going in the direction it should be going (which is always toward greater trust and truth), then trust those feelings.

Make it safe for prospects to tell you where they stand. It’s simple. All you have to say is, “Where do you think we should go from here?” But be prepared because you might not want to hear the truth of how they’re feeling. You can cope with this by keeping your larger goal in mind, which is always to establish that the two of you have a “fit.”

7. Give yourself the last word.

Eliminate the anxiety of waiting for the final call that will tell you whether the sale is going to happen. Instead, schedule a time for getting back to each other during your conversation. This eliminates chasing. Simply suggest, “Can we plan to get back to each other on a day and at a time that works for you? Not to close the sale, but simply to bring closure, regardless of what you decide. I’m okay either way, and that’ll save us from having to chase each other.”

You’ll find that these suggestions make selling much less painful because you stay focused on the truth instead of the sale. The truth is, the more we release the idea of needing to make the sale, the more sales we will likely see.

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My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?” On and on.

Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

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